i had to give myself credit last night.

i've had tonsillitis many times when i was a kid, for many years in a row. i actually do not remember how many time is "many" but it is, for sure, over 5. i had it so many times that i could predict my illness. i remember clearly the one time i was at my friend's cottage. i was eating cherries and i told her that tomorrow i'd be sick. she didn't believe me but the next day, i proved her wrong with tonsillitis. i remember my dad taking good care of me during those bouts of illness, because as he said, he could get close to me even in the first couple days when i was contagious. i don't remember why it was ok for him to do that... maybe he just took the risk regardless.

what's incredible is that after all those infections doctors never found it bad enough to warrent the removal of my tonsils. and so, here i am today. back in trouble. and it hurts! and i doesn't feel like i remember it to have felt. i started to wonder last night if it used to hurt this bad when i was younger, if i had such trouble swallowing, if my ears hurt this much, if i had fever as often. i realised yesterday that even if it didn't, i still had to give myself credit, for i endured this repetively as a kid. i put up with it. wheter it was this painful, worst or better, wether i complained more or less, i was a kid and it would have been worst.

so last night, i was proud of me as a kid. i did good back then. i was strong. i'll get through this one as well. and maybe, in months from now, i'll remember being in pain but not the pain. as i was told too many times, "tu ne t'en souviendras plus le jour de tes noces" (you won't remember it on your wedding day), we humans have the great power to forget about pain (or at least lessen it's memory) and remember the good.