Thursday, August 11, 2005

only the strong survive...

it's 10 pm and it's 31 degrees outside. somehow, it feels really nice. so, i guess that it gives you an idea as to how hot japan really is!

well, hello from osaka. it's a huge city that's a lot like tokyo, so i really do like it. but... the freaking subway system is much harder here and has been quite frustrating. asside from that, osaka is really nice, has a great breeze and seemed cooler than everywhere else i've been lately.

i didn't do much today because 1. i'm still very tired and 2. the transit system and my sense of orientation were kinda off for me today. i visited osaka-jo, *the* sight of osaka. it's a castle, and it's huge. compared to tokyo's imperial palace, this place rocks (you can even go inside the castle, never mind the island). compared to kyoto's tojo-ji (or something, i'm not sure of the name right now), it's much bigger (a different ball game) but it lacks the charm that the one in kyoto has. kyoto's is the original building, you can walk inside and see the rooms as they were. the osaka-jo is a huge museum, where there's nothing left of the original asside from the outside. regardless, it was still cool, and the view from the 8th floor was awsome.

i wanted to drop by the african fair at the ethnology museum but they close at 4:30 (like every other worthy sites, dammit) and so i would have never made it on time. what i did do tonight though was attend the "short shorts film festival" that's going on right now. i was expecting a festival like as back home, but really it was a 30 seater room in a basement. it felt like a school movie show, except with incredibly comfortable seats. we were 3 in attendance. i guess the festival isn't a big hit! but i can kinda understand with the movies they were showing... not so great. but, it was really nice to be actually doing something as opposed to visiting somewhere.

tomorrow i am off to hiroshima. i'll try to spend 2 nights at the youth hostel on the island besside that city and hopefully i can lay on the beach and do nothing. swimming would be so nice right now!!!

talking about that, the hostel where i'm staying is located inside the parc that was built for the 1970 expo. we occupy a floor in one of the stadiums, so our floor is curved and everything. pretty weird! but also really neet. the view from our room is the swimming pool. during the day, there's bunch of people doing sports around here: baseball, running, speed walking, skateboarding, breakdancing, you name it. and at night, it seems to change into a band practice hall: people are playing guitar, flute, drums, clarinet, etc. it's such a lively spot! it's really great.

what's not great though is how i've been feeling lately. i'm really enjoying seeing all the sights and being here on vacation. but i've reallised that i don't like traveling alone - at all. i've never liked being alone: it's what i hate and fear the most. so it's normal that i'm not liking being alone here. but it's really getting to me... i really feel like i can't do this. of course i can, because i've been doing it, but what i mean is that it's keeping me from really enjoying myself and really enjoying this vacation. i'm afraid that it will only get harder with china being next, and i'm not sure what to do. i really want to go home! and i really want to see all of the beautiful places i've planned on visiting. i'm afraid that either way i won't be happy... i don't know what to do and i just want to cry!

i thought this was supposed to be fun!


i've said before that it was my dream to do this vacation. (ie, see personal description). what i meant is that it's my dream to see all of those places. it isn't part of my dream to do it alone, to not enjoy myself... but it's really a dream come tru to be here, doing this. it's killing me that it's not as great as it could be...


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